When I was a high school student, I had a very influential teacher, Mr. Frank Cooper. Today, as an adult and a professional educator, I realize that Mr. Cooper was not a particularly gifted classroom manager, curriculum designer, or content presenter, but every time I walked out of his class, I felt better about myself, and I knew that he cared about me. Every day, he ended class the same way: “Remember, you are important, I love you, and the joy of life is in the journey.” He made sure that was the last thing we heard him say every time we left his classroom, and that has always stuck with me.
As I entered my young adult years, married, and began having children, this concept of the last words I speak to my loved ones weighed heavily on me. I became increasingly aware of the fragility of life and resolved that I would always depart from my loved ones by saying “I love you.” Whether I’m going to see them again in 5 minutes, 2 months, 2 years, or never again in mortality, I wanted “I love you” to be the last thing they heard me say. At times, I would say “goodbye” and “I love you,” and then more conversation would ensue. I always returned to “I love you” so that it was the departing phrase. I still practice this today.
Before leaving his apostles for Gethsemane, the Savior gave them a commandment: “Love one another; as I have loved you,” found in John 13:34. It is a phrase well known to the Southern Virginia University community. Every Friday Forum ends with us singing those words together, our final act before we depart for the week. Love one another. This is perhaps what the Savior wished to be the phrase his apostles remembered from him.
Later, after his triumphant Resurrection, Jesus visited the apostles again and, before his Ascension, stated in Matthew 28:20, “I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” So, love one another, and I am always with you. A beautiful parting message from the most beautifully lived life this world has ever seen. An example to us in every way.
As I took over the role of Director of Bands at Southern Virginia University a little over three years ago, I found myself thinking about the daily parting words of Mr. Cooper, my parting words to my family, and the parting words of the Savior to his apostles. A phrase, akin to Mr. Cooper’s, came to my mind: “Remember, you are important, you are loved, and you are a child of God.” It became clear to me that these needed to be the last words my students heard from me every time that we met. No matter how happy, frustrated, disappointed, elated, or any other emotion that could apply to a rehearsal, this was what they needed to hear from me.
I started saying it at the end of every rehearsal, although I sometimes worried it would become a meaningless trope, as frequent repetition sometimes causes. Before I knew it, it became expected and longed for. The students organically started responding with “amen” every time I said the phrase. When I was sometimes overwhelmed or stressed about any number of things and forgot to say it, the students wouldn’t leave, as if they had never been dismissed. They would just stare at me and wait for me to say it, sometimes imploring, “Say the thing!”
In what, to me, was a full circle moment, I ended rehearsal a few weeks ago in the usual way and started to pack up equipment with the rest of the band. Several clusters of conversations ensued throughout the group, including some of my own, and when things were mostly packed up and I was beginning to walk back to my office, one of the students looked at me and said, “We love and appreciate you, Dr. Black.” It was as if he wanted to make sure that I heard those words before I departed. I felt seen, loved, and appreciated. I needed to hear those words just as much as I needed to say them.
So, what will be the last thing they hear you say? No matter who “they” is, I think it behooves us all to consider that question. We don’t know what tomorrow brings. Mortality is equally as fragile as life is eternal. Your parting words could be your last. Someone could hear the very thing that will save their life. Don’t keep those words to yourself. Speak your beautiful message into the world. It could be the last thing you say, and it could be the very thing they need to hear.
Remember, you are important, you are loved, and you are a child of God.
Michael C. Black, DMA
Director of Bands and Associate Professor of Music
Southern Virginia University
